The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone owes me an orgasm
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize