i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
