I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
