I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
