You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
