he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
