I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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