Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
