How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize