omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize