I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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