Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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