You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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