I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
