WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
