I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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