She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
