He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
