the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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