apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
