She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
