she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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