My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
