Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
