Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I smell stomach acid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
