Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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