So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
