Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
