You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize