Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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