We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
