I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
