I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
