I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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