Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
