She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
