4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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