Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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