Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
