What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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