i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
