That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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