I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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