I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
