If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
