he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
