She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
