I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
