everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
