We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
