It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
