you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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