I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
