They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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