I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
