Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
