I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm really into asian looking animals
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
