If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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