I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
