ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
be right there i have to get my cape
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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