I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
