Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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