she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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