How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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