I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
