I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
