I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
