this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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