Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
too bad you live with your parents still
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
