And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
