she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
