guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
