Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
