Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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