I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
