life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My ATM looks so different sober.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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