Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
