Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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