If i come over, it means nothing
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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