So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
