need another drink. this is the easiest way
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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