Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
