I just pynch a tree in the face
it glows. i had to have it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize