At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
